Last night was picture perfect. We went to my sister in-laws for her birthday. We had dinner and cake. Then we went to Gabriel's Taekwondo Sparring class. After class Leo had an in door soccer game to get to so I had the night with my boys. While Gabriel was in the shower I set up a movie and got busy with our hot air popper to make some Popcorn. Watching "Rise of the Guardians" I sat in the middle of couch, popcorn on my lap sandwiched between my boys. My type of evening! Before the end of the movie Gabe was fast asleep but Lucas wanted to watch it again. I was comfortably snuggled in and thought, why not. Lucas fell asleep after 15 minutes on round two and that was when I felt it. The icy cold burn and the way my foot began to swell inside of my sneaker. Damn, not the ideal way to end the perfect evening. My SCS controller was inside my purse on the coat rack. I sent Leo a text letting him know the situation. Even if I managed to get up off the couch I could never get Lucas up to bed. I was stuck. I was litteraly stuck on the couch because I worried that if I got up I would wake up Lucas. If Lucas were to wake up he would need his intensive cuddling. I love the cuddle but I didn't think I could handle that and my pain right then. So, even though my leg was killing me I chose not to get up and use the SCS yet. I chose to try and wait for Leo to come to my rescue. He did and having him home made everything seem so much easier.
When I woke up in the morning I did not need to test my leg for pain, I felt it with my first cohearent thought. I was also subconsciencely tenting the blankets with my good leg so they wouldn't bother my bad leg. Last night I had used my SCS on the sleep program. My first step out of bed showed me that I couldn't even bear weight to limp, I had to pull my leg behind me to get to the bathroom. My morning was beyond slow. I am ever so grateful that Gabriel is of an age to be a helping hand and is considerate over when my leg is hurting. He played with Lucas' while I took a long hot shower, letting the hot water seep into my leg and chasing the cold away. Because Gabriel was a great help I let him play video games without the prerequisit typing program for 15 minutes. Gabe played while Lucas and I took a rest in my bed.
I did not get any cleaning done today. I did get to go shopping at Walmart for our last minute Easter stuff. Leo dropped me off and I had time to walk slowly and shop. Tonight Leo took Gabe to the movies to see the new "G I Joe". Lucas and I have ordered pizza from Papa Johns. I am tasking myself with boiling the eggs tonight, all 36. If I get a sudden burst of energy and motivation I might empty and restack the dishwasher. I cannot hope that over night my flair will subside enough that I can manage all my chores tomorrow. All I can do is focus on the things that must get done. Eggs must be colored and in a way that produces a lot of laughter and giggles. Easter baskets must be dug out of storage. The kitchen must get cleaned up as well as the living and dinning rooms. To accomplish all these tasks I will have to enlist the help of Leo (he is a powerhouse) and Gabriel (he will do anything to make me smile). Lucas will be a big help if he can stay happy not cranky and will simply follow directions (tall order).
Our Easter Sunday plans are our traditional chaos. Sunday morning wake up (7:30ish) and check out the baskets. Hunt for Easter eggs that the Easter Bunny has hidden for the boys. Get dressed up, make sure we have everything we need for the day and head out to Church. After mass we drive down to my parents (about 45 minutes) and have an Easter lunch. They will also hide eggs for the boys to find and have baskets for them filled with goodies. Then we drive to Leo's parents house (45 minutes) for an Easter dinner. They will also hide eggs for the boys to find and have baskets filled with goodies. By the time we get home the kids have been filled with food and sugar. Leo and I are often ready for bed ourselves. With my leg hurting these plans do not change. I just fight through it and will NOT let my children see a single cringe. RSD will not ruin this holiday. I will use my cane and help them hunt for their eggs. When they hit their sugar high I will not let my pain create a cranky situation, instead I will laugh and shrug my shoulders saying "It's only one day!"
I can crumble tonight when everyone is in bed. I can crumble on Monday after making another successful Easter memory for the boys. I will not crumble in front of my children during Easter. I will stay strong and create the magic of the holiday.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
This morning ...
I am thankful the kids are on Spring Break because we do not have to get up and moving so quickly and early. I need that extra time in bed to lay prone and gather my strength. When Lucas finally wakes up I begin to move. I do my little roll to get out of bed. First stop is the bathroom with Lucas sitting by me and I do a quick diaper change with him standing up. After washing my hands I yell up to Gabriel's room, "Come downstairs for breakfast!" He replies "I'm not ready yet!" Okay to this I laugh quietly and tell him "Ten minutes okay?" He replies "That's all I need to finish this battle!" I love that he still has his great sense of imagination! He likes to play Yu Gi Oh! and all those other types of card games.
Downstairs I stand in my kitchen and contemplate the time. On the way down the stairs I couldn't help but notice the total disarray of the living room, toys everywhere, blankets and pillows cast around the floor, sticky surfaces and the floor needs a good vacuuming (it actually needs a deep shampooing but let's not get that picky). As I walk into the dinning room I see the table is piled up again, we still have birthday decorations up and the coat rack is heavy with our winter coats. I estimate it would take me an hour to fully clean the dinning room the way it should be done but if Leo did it he probably could get it done in 15 minutes flat. I sigh and move into the kitchen. This is where I cringe. Yesterday I halfway stacked the dishwasher but never finished it. I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner last night so the pots and pans await me on the stove, the stove itself needs a good scrubbing to clean up the splatter. Now here I stand. Three rooms need a deep cleaning. I have only been out of bed for 15 minutes. My body aches. I cannot possibly do anything productive yet. I stare at my medicine cabinet. I pull out a fresh Fentanyl patch (yesterday's fell off a day early after my shower) and I count out the days on my calendar. Each Fentanyl patch lasts 72 hours, that's 3 days. I put this one on now at 8:30am Wednesday it will last me till Saturday morning. This is my last patch in the box, a new prescription is being mailed out to my pharmacy. I put this patch on with confidence that I will have my new prescription before the weekend, I will need my medication to get me through Easter weekend.
Judging my body I know this patch will not be enough to get my body feeling well enough to plow through my chores today. I take a percocet to help give me a boost. Repeating to myself 8:30, 8:30, 8:30 so I won't forget what time I took my meds. With short term memory issues I have found this is the best method to remember what time I took a percocet, just in case I find myself hurting later and needing anothter percocet to help me get through. A percocet lasts 4-6 hours.
Then I start the process of breakfast for the boys. I think to myself 'Most Mom's consider taking care of themselves first as getting dressed and beautified but for me taking care of myself first means making sure I am medicated.' I turn a blind eye to the mess and focus first on feeding everyone. The pets come first or else they will just be annoying. "Gabe, can you help me feed the cat and dog?" My personal super hero comes running. "I will feed Cleo and you can feed Pharaoh." he tells me. I am good with that since Gabe hates touching the canned dog food, it makes him gag. After the pets are taken care of I move on to the boys breakfast; I put the tea pot on to boil for Lucas' oatmeal and I put a toaster waffle into the toaster for Gabe. I then start the coffee, besides a great wake me up it also helps boost my medications helping them to work a little faster, love that caffeine! I pull out a tall glass for Gabe my milk kid and a superman cup for Lucas to have his dilluted apple juice. I grab a coffee cup and add my purevia then set it aside till I am finished with the boys breakfasts. I have about another minute till everything is ready so I start working the kitchen. I grab last nights dinner plates and scrape them into the garbage, set them into the sink to soak. Gabriel's toaster waffle pops up first so I grap a paper towel, a knife, and peanut butter. I take him his breakfast. Next up is Lucas and his oatmeal. After fixing my coffee I sit down at the computer and I begin typing this post. While I am typing I am gratified with watching my boys play on the floor together. Even though Gabriel never liked Thomas the Train he will sit on the floor and help build the train tracks. Gabe knows all the trains names and does his best to understand what Lucas' wants.
Yes how my body feels this morning sucks and I still need to find the energy to accomplish my chores. Just looking at everything that needs to be done is exhausting. If I cannot get to it all today that means tomorrow's chores will be backed up too. The only reason I am pushing so hard this week is that I WANT a perfectly clean house for Easter Sunday. When I take pictures of the boys and their baskets or the boys looking for the hidden Easter eggs I want to be proud of how my house looks in the pictures. Next week, when Lucas starts his new Pre-School program I will be able to rest.
In the time it took me to write this post, taking a few minutes here and there to talk with my boys and fix a second cup of coffee and a peice of toast, my medications have begun to take affect, relaxing the muscles in my back and easing the pain. I plan to finish my coffee, get dressed and then tackle the kitchen.
Today's agenda! Clean the downstairs. Get the boys out of the house; maybe a walk around the block with the dog. Take Lucas to his 3 year old check up. Fix something for dinner tonight. To me this list already sounds exhausting. I pray that I can accomplish everything and find the energy to play with my boys!
Downstairs I stand in my kitchen and contemplate the time. On the way down the stairs I couldn't help but notice the total disarray of the living room, toys everywhere, blankets and pillows cast around the floor, sticky surfaces and the floor needs a good vacuuming (it actually needs a deep shampooing but let's not get that picky). As I walk into the dinning room I see the table is piled up again, we still have birthday decorations up and the coat rack is heavy with our winter coats. I estimate it would take me an hour to fully clean the dinning room the way it should be done but if Leo did it he probably could get it done in 15 minutes flat. I sigh and move into the kitchen. This is where I cringe. Yesterday I halfway stacked the dishwasher but never finished it. I made spaghetti and meatballs for dinner last night so the pots and pans await me on the stove, the stove itself needs a good scrubbing to clean up the splatter. Now here I stand. Three rooms need a deep cleaning. I have only been out of bed for 15 minutes. My body aches. I cannot possibly do anything productive yet. I stare at my medicine cabinet. I pull out a fresh Fentanyl patch (yesterday's fell off a day early after my shower) and I count out the days on my calendar. Each Fentanyl patch lasts 72 hours, that's 3 days. I put this one on now at 8:30am Wednesday it will last me till Saturday morning. This is my last patch in the box, a new prescription is being mailed out to my pharmacy. I put this patch on with confidence that I will have my new prescription before the weekend, I will need my medication to get me through Easter weekend.
Judging my body I know this patch will not be enough to get my body feeling well enough to plow through my chores today. I take a percocet to help give me a boost. Repeating to myself 8:30, 8:30, 8:30 so I won't forget what time I took my meds. With short term memory issues I have found this is the best method to remember what time I took a percocet, just in case I find myself hurting later and needing anothter percocet to help me get through. A percocet lasts 4-6 hours.
Then I start the process of breakfast for the boys. I think to myself 'Most Mom's consider taking care of themselves first as getting dressed and beautified but for me taking care of myself first means making sure I am medicated.' I turn a blind eye to the mess and focus first on feeding everyone. The pets come first or else they will just be annoying. "Gabe, can you help me feed the cat and dog?" My personal super hero comes running. "I will feed Cleo and you can feed Pharaoh." he tells me. I am good with that since Gabe hates touching the canned dog food, it makes him gag. After the pets are taken care of I move on to the boys breakfast; I put the tea pot on to boil for Lucas' oatmeal and I put a toaster waffle into the toaster for Gabe. I then start the coffee, besides a great wake me up it also helps boost my medications helping them to work a little faster, love that caffeine! I pull out a tall glass for Gabe my milk kid and a superman cup for Lucas to have his dilluted apple juice. I grab a coffee cup and add my purevia then set it aside till I am finished with the boys breakfasts. I have about another minute till everything is ready so I start working the kitchen. I grab last nights dinner plates and scrape them into the garbage, set them into the sink to soak. Gabriel's toaster waffle pops up first so I grap a paper towel, a knife, and peanut butter. I take him his breakfast. Next up is Lucas and his oatmeal. After fixing my coffee I sit down at the computer and I begin typing this post. While I am typing I am gratified with watching my boys play on the floor together. Even though Gabriel never liked Thomas the Train he will sit on the floor and help build the train tracks. Gabe knows all the trains names and does his best to understand what Lucas' wants.
Yes how my body feels this morning sucks and I still need to find the energy to accomplish my chores. Just looking at everything that needs to be done is exhausting. If I cannot get to it all today that means tomorrow's chores will be backed up too. The only reason I am pushing so hard this week is that I WANT a perfectly clean house for Easter Sunday. When I take pictures of the boys and their baskets or the boys looking for the hidden Easter eggs I want to be proud of how my house looks in the pictures. Next week, when Lucas starts his new Pre-School program I will be able to rest.
In the time it took me to write this post, taking a few minutes here and there to talk with my boys and fix a second cup of coffee and a peice of toast, my medications have begun to take affect, relaxing the muscles in my back and easing the pain. I plan to finish my coffee, get dressed and then tackle the kitchen.
Today's agenda! Clean the downstairs. Get the boys out of the house; maybe a walk around the block with the dog. Take Lucas to his 3 year old check up. Fix something for dinner tonight. To me this list already sounds exhausting. I pray that I can accomplish everything and find the energy to play with my boys!
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