The long Winter is over and we should be enjoying this beautiful Spring. I should, but a long flare has settled in as if it is taking a Winters Nap. During these long flares it is easy to 'get down' and be hard on yourself. After all no one likes walking in to a kitchen with dishes piled on each other and doing an emergency load of laundry because the kids are out of underwear! Reading newsfeeds of friends planning activities that you simply cannot do or being able to walk your child down the block to play at the park can make you feel depressed. Most people get cabin fever if they spend more than two days cooped up inside without being able to do anything yet I have to be used to days piled on days that turn into weeks! I honestly feel like a child who wants to stomp her foot and scream "It's not fair!"
I am going to make a confession. This past Winter was a hard season on my leg. Harder than normal. We all know it was the coldest Winter, ever! So many people kept me in their thoughts and prayers because they know how the cold affects my disease. I am so grateful for their prayers! Still, it looks like 2015 is going to be a hard year. It happens. I have had RSD/CRPS for nearly 20 years and I have learned that there are bad years and good years and years that completely suck.
Years of experience have taught me how to prepare for these hard times. Allowing myself time to wallow in self pity but never live in that deep abyss. Laughing with my family and filling my free time with my favorite hobbies. I have my tv shows and books. I spend time on facebook and games on the computer. I text Leo a dozen times a day, sometimes it is as trivial as a simple "I love you!" just so I can stay connected. I text or email my bestie anywhere between a few times a week to several times. I comment on facebook posts. I do whatever I can to stay connected so these walls won't close in on me. My days revolve around my children. I hate that during flares I have to parent them while I am stuck in my LazyBoy recliner or worse yet bedside. At least I do it! At the very least I give them the feeling that I am always "there" for them. I am proud how I parent them.
If this is going to be one of those harder years I know I will survive it. A hard year won't beat me down. I have too much experience to allow it. I have Leo in my corner. The man is a blessing. Today he bought me white roses. Last weekend my parents came over and Mom helped me with the kitchen and groceries. Unfortunately I had to miss out on a friends birthday celebration and kids birthday party. Life would be perfect if everything could be done at my house or locally to me but that is not real life.
If this is going to be one of those harder years I do have a favor to ask. While you are living your busy and crazy life take some time to appreciate your own physical health. At the end of a day that leaves you particularly exhausted, instead of complaining that you are tired take time to evaluate what you have accomplished that day. Don't jump over the basics like getting the kids dressed or giving them baths or driving somewhere. Truly evaluate your accomplishment and give thanks to God that you had the ability to do it all. If you are training for a marathon or one of those fun obstacles like Mud Run be thankful that you are able to do it. What I really wish is that you be thoughtful and thankful for the healthful life you have to live. I don't care that I might have a hard year ahead of me. This is my life. Every night when I put Lucas to bed we say his night time prayers and give thanks for the day and people in our lives. It is so beautiful to listen to him being thankful for his life, yes he fights for his speech but that doesn't matter. He has a beautiful life to be thankful for! Just as I have a beautiful life to be thankful for despite my health. Please be appreciative of your own life!
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