Doctors Appointments

I had my doctors appointment this week. You know how it is , every 6 weeks you make the journey to the doctors office, wait in the waiting room for about half an hour (more if you are late) just for your doctor to say "HI" then touch the parts that hurt and to talk to you about your meds. Every time I have an appointment my family and friends ask, "Why are you going to the doctor is everything okay?" When you have RSD going to the doctor is as common as getting a regular hair trim, you aren't changing your style you just need to keep up with what you have going on. I always tell my family and friends the same thing. "Everything is okay there are no changes but in order to keep getting my meds I have to see the doctor regularly." After all we know "everything" is not okay, I am seeing a doctor every six weeks because I am in pain but it is also my normal.

This time was slightly different however. While I was waiting I was able to talk to a nice woman who also has RSD. As I sat down she asked me quite bluntly "You have RSD too, don't you?" And then she told me how her mother was sitting with her when I walked in, took a look at me and informed her that I had that look, "She has RSD too." Of course it is always nice to meet someone who has been on the same journey. We talked about our stimulators and the aggrevation of recharging the batteries. It gets frusterating that it can take an hour of moving the wand around to find the "sweet spot" and then take another 2 hours of laying perfectly still 'Do Not Think About Coughing or Needing the Bathroom' during the recharge time. After she left for her appointment time my husband moved next to me. "This was the first time I met someone with RSD just like you have it" he said. And then he told me something that so many people have told me many times. "You are so strong."

I don't believe I am strong. I prefer to think of myself as STUBBORN and PROUD. I am too stubborn to allow my life be defined by RSD. I am too proud to be brought down by this disease that I have had for the last 14 years and will continue to have. Many people who surround me do not understand the full depth of my RSD or the obsticles it has placed in my path. They don't understand because I do not wear my condition on my sleave. Instead I choose to teach and explain what RSD is, what I have gone through these past 14 years and what it will be like to continue with RSD. My RSD is pretty well maintained considering the alternatives. I have good days and bad days. There are days that I can bake bread and play with my son. Then there are days that I struggle to limp through the house and just lay on the couch watching movies with my family. Each morning I wake up I do not know what the day will be like. I make plans and schedule appointments but family and friends always have the understanding that I may not be able to make it depending on "How I Feel" that day. There are also the days that I am too stubborn for my own good like having a flare up on Thanksgiving Week when I promised to have the dinner at my house. I will hobble and limp just so everything is perfect and I will delegate certain tasks but I will not give up having "Turkey Day" at my home. Sitting in a car is painful but I take my pain meds, use a pillow behind my back, hold on to whatever I can grab, and practice a type of meditation that I was taught just to help me deal with pain. I do not drive but I will go for a car ride so I can visit my loved ones. I do not let my pain keep me from living a full life, I just live it around my pain.