Fighting For Normal

Fighting RSD. 

Okay, I hear you! What do I mean about New Normal?  First let me explain that before you can claim your new normal you must first grieve for your old life.  Just like the heartache of loosing your favorite Grandmother or someone else impossibly close to you.  You must let go of what was.  The proper grief process might take a year or more.  The grief does not need to be in a specific order nor does it have a set amount of time.  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance are the five stages of grief.  Just like 10 years after you said goodbye to your favorite grandmother and suddenly happen apon an old trinket she gave you, you may quickly visit one or all of these stages of grief.  This can happen from time to time during your new normal, and this is normal not a set back.  However you still need to grieve because you are saying goodbye to everything you knew to be true about yourself.   

Denial - I can still do it all!  RSD might be in my leg but I can still wear skin tight jeans and high heels! I think denial is the ugly stepsister who likes to pop up and tease us just to remind us that nope, we cannot do it all like we used to. 

Anger - I personally lived in this spot for a long time.  I was angry at everyone who could walk easily.  I was angry when everyone thought how nice it was to stay home when they had to go to school.  I was angry about their boyfriend dramas. I was angry that when my friends came to visit my sister they would barely look at me when they said hi.  I was angry for a long time. 

Bargaining - It is hard for me to explain this one.  Sometimes I would talk to my leg, my RSD, and beg it to let me be able to go out with friends or beg it to let me walk with out crutches.  Bargaining with RSD is difficult for me to explain but maybe someone else has a story to share?

Depression - This is a black ugly hole.  It is not the same as being sad.  Sadness remains grounded when depression is like being lost.  When I was depressed I would stare at the tv without watching.  My emotions were dried up and I felt numb to the world around me.  I had surrenderd my life to RSD.

Acceptance - This is when you have come to terms that RSD is in your life and you just have to deal.  This is when you begin your New Normal. 

Just because you reached the acceptance phase doesn't mean you are all set to live a wonderful life with RSD.  Far from it!  You still have to figure out balance, attainable goals, challenges, support, and the will to fight.  Each morning you have to decide that you will FIGHT.