Last night was a sentimental night for me. As I stood in the small and very crowded waiting area of Gabriel's Martial Arts studio I watched him test for his orange belt in Taekwondo. Last year he began Taekwondo lessons as his birthday present. Leo and I agreed that it would help Gabriel stay distracted while I was recovering from my SCS surgery. Gabriel was excited because finally he found a sport that was the perfect fit for him. Most parents get their children involved in Martial Arts to help them learn discipline or self defense. We wanted Gabriel to learn self confidence.
When we learned that the surgery last April was not a success and that I would need to have another revision done I forced myself to attend one of Gabriel's classes last summer. I remember how excited and nervous he was because as he said "I want to impress Mommy." I was impressed! Seeing him at such a young age finding out now what he is meant to do in his life was awe inspiring and remarkable. Some people struggle as adults to find what they are meant to do. Gabriel at age 9 had found his niche in the world. That is why it was very hard for me to learn that I would have to miss his first belt test in October.
As a mother who prides herself in being involved with every part of her childs life it hurt that I couldn't be there for his big day. Gabriel had been struggling with my health and as a child he hoped that I could force myself to be able to make it to his first belt test even though he understood why I wasn't able to make it. Leo and I riled our troops. If I couldn't be there to cheer him on then we would get as many family members as possible! I also asked Leo to video tape parts of the test and take pictures, sending them to me immediately so I could feel like a part of the excitement. I promised Gabriel that I would be sitting at the dinning room table when he came home with the computer ready for me to watch the video. We put as big of a positive spin on it as we could including a pizza party at home afterwards. I planted a huge smile on my face before he left and gave him the biggest hug and kiss for luck. After he walked out the door I allowed myself to cry. I leaned on my support group (RSD United) and distracted myself from what I was missing out on.
Watching Gabriel test for his orange belt last night I remembered what it was like 6 months ago. For me it feels like a lifetime ago. I was slightly frusterated though because Lucas was being a double handful, he didn't want to stay in that cramped space or watch his brother and the other children testing. I was afraid I would miss seeing Gabriel, which I did miss the part with his punches and kicks but I was able to see everything else. The big moment for Gabriel was the sparring portion of the test. He struggles with being aggressive but he was able to get some good kicks in while blocking almost all of his opponents kicks. We didn't have the large crowd to cheer Gabe but my Dad was able to be there and that meant the world to Gabriel. I will always remember the way he looked back, made eye contact with me just to make sure that I was watching. Pride is not a strong enough word for how I felt last night when he received his Orange Belt. Gabriel and I have talked about how he could push and become great at Tae Kwon Do. We have a goal that when he turns 12 he might be able to attend the National Martial Arts camp to show how serious he is about Tae Kwon Do.
I know I am a Super Mom but Gabriel is a Super Kid. This past year has been hard on him. Imagine how hard it is for us as adults to see our parents become frail and ill. Then imagine what those emotions would be like inside of a 9 year old. Leo and I do our best to keep an open door policy where Gabe can come to us about anything. We also talk to him openly and as I like to say "I will be as honest as is age appropriate." Still, he is a child and watching his mother be in pain and that she could not do anything for herself was a hard hit. To watch it happen twice in the same year really took it's toll on him. This past year has been hard on the whole family. I think it was the hardest on Gabriel. Now that I am back on my feet, back to my own Normal, my focus is back on him. It isn't enough to give your child a stable home, food and clothes. Hugs, kisses and unconditional love are a standard. Children need more. They need unconditional support, guidence, but mostly to know that they are put first. Children need to know they are important. These are the standards I set for myself. These standards are not what makes me a Super Mom. I am a Super Mom because I fight to give my children these standards while I am in pain or struggling to get through the day. Gabriel is a Super Kid because of how well he does cope with how my health affects him. Struggling doesn't make him less it makes him more.
Before the test began last night Master Jason asked the children "Who is nervous?" Gabriel was honest and raised his hand and two other children raised their hands. His instructor was slightly shocked when he saw Gabe's hand in the air but said "It is good to be nervous. It means you want it!" Smart man! I am going to use his words as a reminder to Gabe every time he feels nervous and doubts himself.
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